Enormous SoftOnline (ESO) Corp. announced its latest initiative in Health IT: GooVault. According to Trotter Valdes Vice Director of saying “Ha!” to Competitors, GooVault will initially do pathology sample tracking: “We think that in order to have comprehensive Health IT software, you have to start at where the patient is. That means patient parts. If patient parts are tracked by our software, then we will dominate! I mean, how much more basic can you get than actual tissue?” ESO announced a training video here.

“We are solving the healthcare crisis by making more software and having more press releases.” said Trotter Valdes. “We will have more details in the next quarter but our first major success was having a larger booth at HIMSS. We ain’t done yet.”

GooVault will be licensed under the Community Open Farce license v. 3 originally created by Darl McBride. The license allows 3rd parties to distribute the software freely only if their Body Mass Index (BMI) is within normal range. 3rd parties must list their BMI in the software comments section to participate. “While some may cry: discrimination! over our licensing terms, we think that this clearly shows our commitment to improving the healthcare of the United States. Lose weight, gain it, whatever it takes to use our software.”

The entire WorldVistA board has denounced this move by ESO as “demonic” and “utterly despicable.” While patient rights advocate Dr. Appeal calls it: “…as productive and helpful to individual patient care as an HMO executive.” The health IT community in general appears to be watching an old Happy Days episode in which Fonzie puts on water skis and jumps a tank of sharks.

“We think that everyone just can’t wait to put their private health information in GooVault. If not, then we’ll just aim our checkbook at it until it works.” said Trotter Valdes.